yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
this will be a night to untag.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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