you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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