i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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