She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
