so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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