He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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