Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Drunk is not a location!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
