Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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