I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
