bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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