I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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