he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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