I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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