I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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