we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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