It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
