roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
