There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
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The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
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i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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