fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you will always have a special place in my vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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