Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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