why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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