By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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