Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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