can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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