What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
We need to rekindle our bromance
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
