Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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