In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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