Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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