do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
