I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
