i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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