I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
