If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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