"it" just moved
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
