Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
