My liver just broke up with me...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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