I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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