God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
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bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
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he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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