FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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