Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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