Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
