Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
