You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
