She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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