i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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