We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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