Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
