I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
