I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
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I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
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Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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