I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
