don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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