It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
