You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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