we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
