john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
dude. I can hear the air.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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