I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
