Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
