are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
