So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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