dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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