Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
