he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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