My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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