JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
