i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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