Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
