He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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