last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
