I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
