thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I want to be your penis for a week.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
