I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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