Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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