my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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