we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
