Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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