Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
