the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
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First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
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He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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