He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
last night I used snow as a chaser
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