there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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